158: [Storytime] Things That Are on My Mind As I get Closer to 30

I turned 29 in April and there are a few things that I continue to circle back to in my brain when it comes to getting closer to turning 30. Now, I know that turning 30 isn’t a huge thing for most people, but to me, it feels like a big milestone. If you are in the same season of life, I hope that by sharing what’s been on my mind helps you know that you’re not alone if you’re thinking about them too. 

It’s a weird year to live in for sure, so grab a cup of water and let's dig into some of the things that my brain continues to come back to over and over again. 

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Transcript

Maddy: 0:07

Good morning. Good morning, my dudes. And welcome back to another episode of The Living in Sunshine podcast. I am so happy to be here chatting with you into your ears for another new episode of this podcast. In case you missed it in the last couple of weeks, we are doing every other week podcast episodes for the next foreseeable future months. The reason for that is because your girl is hella burned out. And really just needs to simplify and lower the barrier of entry, as I like to say, to getting work done and continuing to stay in this business that I love and I in my core am obsessed with. But just so much life and behind the scenes projects and new things have come up to were living in sunshine and the podcast and my email I have had just become these things that I feel like I have to do. When I never want to feel that way when it comes to the podcast or my work. I never want those things to feel like things I have to do, right. Like I want them to feel like there are things that I want to do so in an effort to continue to create these things, because I know that I love them. We are going down to every other week. So for the month of July, you're going to have three podcast episodes because it is a five week month. But for August, you're going to have two and it's just going to be every other week. So I just wanted to put that reminder out there in case anyone hasn't listened to the past couple of episodes and missed that announcement. This is me trying to like intentionally back set my way out of burnout. And today's podcast episode I'm actually really excited about. It's something that I have been thinking and marinating on since turning 29 in April. And I know I have a lot like I still have several months, right like July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April. So I still have nine months until I turned 30. But it's one of those things that like I feel like people who are in their 29th year really start to think, holy shit, I'm turning 30. And I'm just gonna start I'm gonna jumpstart this podcast by saying like, getting older does not scare me, it really doesn't like it doesn't freak me out. It doesn't make me nervous or anything like that. But it is definitely something that like I have caught myself starting to think about more often as I'm like driving down the road to go to the gym, or I'm taking my morning poop or I'm like drinking my coffee or whatever it might be like turning 30 In my opinion based off of media and living experiences and people like it's a milestone turning 30, in my opinion is a larger milestone than turning 20 or even 21. I feel like it's up there with like when you turn 45 or even 50 I just feel like 30 is like a big life milestone. And as I am like in my 29th year gearing and getting closer to my 30th year, there are some things that have been really on my mind more often than before I turned 28. And I want to talk about that only because if you are also getting closer to this, like 29th year or you are like listening to this, and you're like I'm 33 None of this matters, then it's so be it right. But I wanted to just sort of talk about some of these things and really talk about the fact that I think that there are more so a larger social conversation to be had over just me and my anxious trauma girl brain, like marinating and thinking about these things. So the first thing that I think is the biggest thing that I find myself thinking about a lot, and I will just put this right here, if you are someone who is triggered in any way about child rearing, or having kids or not having kids or whatever, then just skip just hit that little 10x, that little 10 Plus button a couple times until you hear me move on to the next thing because I am going to be talking about kids and the fact that we have chosen not to have kids. And I just know that that's like a really big trigger for some people and I just want to be sensitive to that but something that I have really been thinking about and something that like my brain continues to come back to when I'm like sitting around not really doing anything and my brain just starts to like wander off because that's what it does is the fact that Luke and I aren't having kids And I can confidently say that we are not having kids, we have privately made some, you know, pretty permanent changes to make sure that that doesn't happen. And really the only way that we we would have kids would be to, to adopt or to foster. And I wouldn't say that that door is even shut. But, you know, we have had conversations where I know that if, if that's what we would want to do, I would have to be the one to bring that up. But it's just something that I think as a 29 year old female, it, it is something that I find myself thinking about a lot and not not in the sense of like, oh, actually, I want kids. But oh, why don't I want kids because I don't, I can confidently say, I am so happy with our decision. Knowing that we have closed that door feels really good to me. But just, it's something that I think about right, because as women, we are told, trained and taught to believe we are raised in my opinion, and in my experience, to witness and see and learn and are taught how to be a caregiver or how to be child rearing beings who then raise the future of our world, right. And a lot of times as I was growing up, I was literally given the nickname mother Maddy, because I just instinctually very naturally am a caregiving persona. And I enjoy taking care of other people, I very much have a servant leaders heart, which is why I have things like my membership and this podcast and my Clarity Calls and I, I work with people one on one because I genuinely enjoy taking care of other people in some capacity. But as I get closer to 30, it almost feels like this, like now or never kind of thing where I see my friends and I'm so happy for my friends. If you're a friend listening to this, you're like, Oh, my God, I don't feel bad. Don't Don't feel bad. I'm so happy that my friends and people I follow online are entering this season of motherhood. But that isn't without the feeling of am I missing out? Am I missing out on something? Because I have. And my husband and I both have made this decision to not join that club. And again, it's it's one of those like weird juxtapositions of No, like, I'm really grateful and happy and content with our decision to not do this. But also like, what if when I'm 55? I regret that decision, right. Like it. And I think that this is applicable to any decision at any age that you make, right? Like, it's that it's that what if, right? But I think the thing that continues to pull me back and ground me and knowing that this is the best choice for us is because when I close my eyes, and I squeeze them shut, and I sit here and I think, do I really want to do that? Do I really want to commit 18 years? No, I don't. And when my friends who who do have kids, or are pregnant, or have just birthed a child, like a fucking machine, they say things to me, and I go, that's why I'm not doing that. That's, that's why I have opted out of that party. That's why I have RSVP to know, thank you. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that that's not what I want. And that's not a season of my life that I want to participate in. But it's still just one of those things. And I share this because I think it's a fascinating conversation. First and foremost, I talk to my therapist about this a lot like the choice and why I think that my brain is, you know, wired the way that it is when it comes to having kids and all of these things. But I just I share this in case there's anybody else listening? Who's Who's in the same frame of mind, right? It's this weird, gray fuzzy mindset place to be in where you're like, No, I'm and this again, could be about getting married or not getting married, buying a house or not buying a house, leaving your hometown to explore new city or not, right, like this isn't just specifically for kids. But I think as a woman, it is a big talking point and a big, you know, mental space to be in because that's really what you know, if you if you shed all the other layers around and take all the feminist rah rah away from it, like we as women are meant to create more children and procreate and child rearing is like our biological base function, right? That's why we're here. It's one of those things where you just kind of it's like a, it's like a mind game where you're like, What is something wrong with me like in my wired incorrectly to not want that even though I know that I don't want that. And I have good reasons for not wanting that and like all of these other things. So I just in case you or someone else who is choosing and opting out, you're choosing to opt out of that party and club and type of life, I want you to know that you're not alone in in just being like, Hmm, something I just gotta I think I got to sit with, I think I just got to sit with it. Like, I'm happy, I'm happy. And I truly you guys have grieved, not being a mother, there was a time in my life, probably six or seven months last summer, where I, I legitimately grieved motherhood. And I know that that sounds so strange as someone who, for years now has been very, very open and very, very honest about not wanting kids, I had to grieve that part of myself that I would never get to meet. And I think that that's okay. And like I've said, I've had conversations with other friends and women about other parts of their life that they've opted not to do. And it's a weird, it's a weird thing to grieve a side of you to grieve a part of you that you're never going to meet, right, because I think as we grow up, we have these ideas that you know, whether or not the in the moment, we know we want or not, you know, we create these lives and these dreams for ourselves that we expect to to one day become. And then when you get to the point where you're like, actually, I don't want that you have to grieve that person that you're never going to be so just, this is definitely probably the biggest thing that I continue to sort of cycle back to when it comes to getting closer to 30. Because, again, so to be a woman, you have that biological clock ticking where it's like, once you get to a certain age, you're pretty much gonna like dusty crusty it up and you're not going to be able to anymore, right. And as I get closer to that age, right, and again, I still have a couple of years. But once as I get closer to that age, it's just something that I think about, and I just wanted to sort of toss that out into the ether in case anyone listens to this at any point, whether it be right when this episode comes out, or like five years from now and you're like, I am in the same frame of mind. Like legitimately like, let's talk about it. Because I think that this is so fascinating, from the female point of view, to just sort of have this mind cycle of, I know that this is something I don't want. But I feel like it's something that I should want. But I'm really content with not welcoming in and stepping into that season. And now I kind of feel like I have to grieve that version version of me that I'm never going to meet. It's very interesting. It's such a little mental circle. And we'll that you can get on that I'm currently on. So if you are also there, send me a message. Let's talk about it. Because I just think it's fascinating. Okay, another thing that I continue to come up on and think about when I think about turning 30 is how do I want to look back on my 20s. Because a decade is a very long time. And in my opinion and experience, and observations, the bridge and the gap in the growth that happens between 20 and 30 is massive. And as someone who went to school for education, it's almost as big as the jump that you see between a kindergartener and a first grader, it doesn't feel like it should be that huge of a developmental jump. But when you look at it, and you see it, you're like, Oh, my God, I am a completely different person. From when I was 22, who I'm becoming at almost 30. And just even now thinking back to when I was 20 years old, I was in college. I think I was going abroad, I was abroad, when I was 20. I was in South Africa, I was on a study abroad trip. And I was a sophomore in college. And I was just a completely different person. When I was 20, I thought I was going to be a teacher, I thought I was going to have my own classroom, I thought that I was going to own my own house, like all of these big things that I thought were going to be part of my life. Now at 29 Getting closer to 30 are not my life at all, and even me as like a base human. And I am completely different at almost 30 versus who I was at 20 and I just want you to like stop and think about that again, whether you're like, I don't know 26 And you're listening to this and you're you're thinking back to who you were 20 or you're like 47 and you're thinking about who you are, you know what I mean? Like, we go through so many evolutions of ourselves and so many changes as to who we are to where at this point when I am like closing and getting closer to the ending of my 20s, the era of my 20s if you would, like, how do I want to look back on those years? How do I want to remember them what I want to do to, to celebrate them in the person that I have grown into over the last 10 years, because that's a long freaking time to, to really grow. And there's a lot of growth that happens, I think, between 20 and 30. And I just I, it's something that I continue to come back to like, how do I want to remember my 20s? What words do I want to use to sum up my 20s? How do I want to feel when I like look back on my 20s. And I think in this current moment, as someone who still has nine months left in her 20s, I feel really good about them, I think that they were a serious growing and learning opportunity. I am so excited and curious to see what my decade of 30s Feels like and looks like and turns out to be. I have met and done so many incredible things and met so many incredible people and have have done way more in my first 3029 and three months of life than I ever thought I would do in my entire life. And it's just kind of crazy. Like, I cannot wait to be like, I don't know, 57 million years old, and look back and be like, I was really cool. In my 20s I was a really rad person, I did some cool things. I cried a lot. I healed a lot. I fixed my gut, I worked on my body image issues, I had so many great memories and friends and it's just so crazy. I feel like I need to do a whole episode just like looking back at my 20s I feel like that would be so funny. Um, but just I think about that a lot. Like, what can I do in the next nine months to really just like, round out my 20s with a bang, right? Like, what, what else can I add to my repertoire to my resume as a 20 as a 20 year old? Because I've already done so many cool things. And I'm like, okay, what can I do next? So just if, again, if you are also in your 20s, or in your like back half of your 20s? Like, take a second and just really sit in that like, what have you done? What what cool things have you done? What could you still do before you turn 30? Like make it a game, and just really be proud of the person that you are becoming and the person that you already are? And really revel in that. And even if you're like past 30, right, like, what can you do in your eras of 30s or 40s or 50s or 60s, right? Like I genuinely, and this is so random, but like I genuinely have an image of myself being like 82 years old, and sitting in a college classroom, like becoming an archaeologist or something. I know that that's so random. But like, I can see myself going back to school when I'm like 83 because I'm like, Oh, I got nothing else to do. I'll just learn something new learn a new skill. So it's never, it's never too late. Take it from someone who has so much life left to participate in. But yeah, that's something that I think about a lot in my 29th year. And finally, the last thing that I think that I come back to a lot when it comes to getting closer to 30 is what can I be doing now? That future me will be happy I did when I was 29. Right? And one of the biggest things that I think about a lot and I talk about this with my mom, a lot mom, I hope you don't mind that I'm putting you on blast is making sure that as I get older and as I age as a woman, I am setting up my health for maximum, you know, optimization, right? So thinking about my Hormonal Health, thinking about my muscle health and my joint health and my you know, mental health, all of those things, what can I be doing at 29 when I know I have more energy, better muscle structure, more time, more mental clarity and focus to optimize myself down the road. And I talked about I brought up my mom because she and I actually talked about this a lot like a lot a lot a lot. I go for a walk with my mom every single Sunday. And she and I talked about this at least for half an hour on our walks every single week. This idea of ensuring that we do what we can now so that way we when we are old and dusty crusty, we are not rotting away like we are not withering away as old elderly women like We want to be those women that you see like lifting a 50 pound box over their head when they're 99 years old, because they're complete badass is like, that's what I want for my life. And so what can I be doing now at 29 to ensure as best as I can, right, or you can only control so much, but to ensure that when I am 80 plus years old, I am still walking, I am still exercising, I am still functioning as at the highest capacity that you can when you are old, and gray and wrinkly. All those things, like what can I be doing now. And so in this current season, things that I'm really looking into and really considering and and prioritizing, are building muscle mass muscle mass, as you know, in your 20s and early 30s, as a woman is incredibly important. How can I regulate my hormones, I am deeply considering going off of birth control. I'm currently on non hormonal birth control. And I have been for probably five years now. How can I regulate my hormones so that they work for me and work with me, instead of working against me on the same track of Hormonal Health I am looking into and working to get into syncing my workouts to my cycle cycles thinking my exercises, right because that is a thing. And that is something that positively impacts your overall health. Other things is I'm really deep into fixing my gut health, I've had a lot of tummy issues, as the Qt girls say these, you know, these years, I don't know, as people say, I have a lot of gut issues, going out to dinner and eating whatever I want is not an option anymore. Because I literally TMI cannot get off the toilet the next day. And I just feel terrible. And I'm tired of feeling terrible. And so I am constantly thinking and asking myself, what can I be doing today, this week, this month, this year, that is going to set me up for success. When I am older, right and older doesn't just mean like old gray and wrinkly older means like five years from now, or 10 years from now or, you know, 40 years from now, what can I be doing now to ensure that I am giving myself the best possible life down the road. And I think that that stems from witnessing other women in my life get old and get sick. And those, you know, illnesses that were completely preventable. You know, taking their life early, all of those types of things and not wanting that for myself, I do not want to be someone who is has, you know, those like weekly pill bottle things that are like full of a million medications. That's not what I want for myself, if that's something that you're happy with, I totally support you in doing that. But that's not what I want for myself. So what can I be doing now in my 20s. To to, to set myself up for success, right? And if this is something that you are also interested in, like, Please, let's talk about it, I find this again, it's another one of those things that I just find fascinating. But what can I do in my 20s, and obviously, early 30s, to optimize my health down the line, because that is something that matters to me. And that's something that's important to me. And so this along with everything else in this episode, are just three big things that like I have really been sitting in and marinating on Since I turned 30 Back in April. It's so crazy to me that I'm 29 Again, like that's not old. I'm not saying that that is old by any stretch of the imagination, because it's it's not. It's just, it's just interesting. Like, it's just this year, it's just feels so transitional. And it's like, am I gonna wake up one day, like Gen rinks and be 30 and be like, oh, you know, party 13 Fabulous or whatever, from that movie 13 going on. 30 Maybe that's why I have this like fixation on turning 30 Um, but it's definitely a it's definitely an interesting time of life. There's a lot happening in my life right now. Like I said, I'm doing a lot of really cool things that I'm really excited about and really proud of. But I'm also thinking really deeply about this last year in my 20s and how to make it so totally amazing. But also so totally intentional, because that's who I am. That's what I do. I talked about joyful living and intentional living for a living. And I just wanted to share those things with any of you who are also in your late 20s or early 30s or whatever, and get your insight so if you have any insights, send me a message over on Instagram. I will be back in another two weeks to share another new episode with you. And until then, my friends I'm sending you all the sunshine, good vibes, and I hope you make it a great day.